DarkBlood

Hey friends. including peps from Fanfiction.net. Something straneg has happened lately. I have come across a young boy who stricks my fancy. He's sweet and generous, and caring. He doesn't have a very happy past, somewhat like me, and we IM as often as possible on MSN. A few years ago a girl about his age, a friend of mine, named Christine commited suicid. I had been soemwhat of her protector, I didn't know she had done this until just last year. this boy is so much like her, and he even likes to talk big like she does. And it worries me. I have placed myself in somewhat of the protecting role, even though he lives in a different state. It was strange, that tender feeling toward him. I'm going to point it out frnakly, I don't lust over him. But he reminds me so much of Christine. She was something sorecial, and so is he. I might be able to see the young one next summer for me family vacation, but it all depends if I have the cash to fly, or if I must drive. be damned if I'll let my family pack em into the truck to spend 3 days with them on the road. I dont think so) But if it was to see him, perhaps it would be worth it. I wonder if he knows how much he has come to mean to me? We've only knowneach other for about a week or so, and yet he already places me as his friend. Perhaps....it would be worth it.

Guess what friends Im still alive, not death, not murdering, not nothin'. Kewl eh? haha. Well yea, Im not up to much, Ive added a few chapters to a fanfiction Ive got on fanfiction.net. Its a yaoi called the boy next door, and yea. Like 12 hundred people have already read it. And Ive got ayeyen ove rhere at my place, yea we may not be dating but we're still good friends. maybe a bit more, I have yet to decide whether or not we will continue to be like makeout buddies or just friends. Well thats all I have for now just the Im alive and the statuse report, ttyl bye.

Her name Is Julia Baumberg and shes 15 years old in the 9th grade. she like art, and her hair shines like copper when she in the sun. She has the most beautiful smile in the world, her laugh is contageous, and she with a guy named Trevor who could never deserver her anymore then I do. hey everyone this Is vex_angel and well to tell you the truth dont be bi. Its trwice as har to be bi then it is to be straight. Cause when your bi like me you have to deal with liking twice as many people, and having twice as many heart breaks. this girl, julia, I asked her out after she broke up with Trevor the first time, and she lied to me saying she kind of liked me. I coudlnt beleive it when she told me the truth the next time we spoke, but then again, its muh better then her lying and being unhappy. I almost feel as though I should jsut ask her to lie. If it meant I could hold her like Trevor does, at least for a little while, I would die happy. Just form her. Im in a mood where if someone gave me a blade I would cut, it someone showed me a high enough edge I would jump, or a deep enouh river, I would drown myself. I cant deel with the thought of only being her friend,a nd everytime I see her with Trevor I feel like my heart is being taken form me. He touches her, and hold her and kisses her and THAT SHOULD BE ME! Well I guess I just wanted to check in with you guy to tell you Im alive, for now, and that I might just update the next time something happens. Well tata for now loves, see you all in hell once we get there. oh wait, we're already there.

Holy Shit friends, how long has it been since I last posted, what like, a few thousand months ago? Yeah, from what I can remember the last time I posted I told you all the me and ayeyen weren't going to break up and thateverything was okay. Well it turns out not so much. Maybe about a month later we broke up. Again! I was to blame, just as I was with the first break up. And I feel quite down about it,still. resently I have found myself watching all these couples in the places I go to hang and I fell envy rise up in my stomach at the sight. At one point I was tempted to call ayeyen and ask him to date again. But I was able to stop myself from making that mistake. I looked at the facts. First) We broke up partly bcause I like guys who are willing to do anything for me (not that they ahve to but tis a nice thought) and ayeyen, well ets face it. He wouldn't even go to an eye doctors appointment. Second) I only envied them because they looked to happy when I didnt. and Third) I still have feeling for a few other people like my friend Nick and my other friend Julia. Until I can make these feelings either realized or gone (XD bad grammer) I dont want to be in a relationship. I just can't. A boy from my school asked me out resently, and even though he had been one of the people I liked before I just had a feeling dating him wouldn't have been any different then form dating ayeyen. Perhaps, in a way, I am still wating for Zackery, the boy that was there for me when I broke up with ayeyen, but then again he almost feels fake now. He lives so far awa, and I've lost all of his pictures, it makes me cry at the thought that I've almost lost my mental image of him. all I can rememeber is his name, and god what if I lose that too. As you can see I've been in a rough spot lately, but I think I can deal, I hope at least. Well friends, that all for me for now, until next time.

92% of teenagers have moved on to rap music, if you are amoung the last 8% that still rock out every day...you will be saved.

Well my friends, including angel, me and ayeyen have officially gotten back together, we actually never broke up in th first place, but ssshhh! My mind is sill bothering me about shit but I've made a good enough attempt at blocking it out. You know shit like Nick and Zack, but but I've blocked them both completely at the moment. I think it might cause a relapse. Yeah, that's right I'm ignoring them, you guys can have them all to yourselves just keep them away from me. Nick called me today and I wouldn't pick up. I threw the phone right across the room and got Justina right in th head with it. Sure it was funny and all, but this is something serious my friends. I have this prob and I cannot get rid of it. Ill try a little harder later but until then. I would right more but ayeyen is hanging over my shoulder. *kisses ayeyen, and kicks him* Ill update a bit more a little later. Oh, as a suggestion everyone should go to Youtube.com and search up Wolfs Rain. its a great anime, and the amv's are hot. Well see you guys later. hope to hear some updates that aren't flames. BYE BYE!

I have always view Valentines day as no more then a pure waste of my useless time. but ever since I got a boyfriend I have been kind of obsessing over the thought of getting a sentamental gift from him. ayeyen has asked my at least twice what I want for that stupid holliday. I told him I didn't want to ask for something, because it would be mean in a way, and even greedy. But I want to ask him so much to get me something, oh goddess help me I've even picked out what in my mind is the perfect gift he could give me. And I've got a thousand senarious where he gives me that gift, and showers me in expression of his affection. And I know that would never happen. I think my very last enrty was about how I was thinking about breaking up with him, to tell you guys right now we're still together and I am once more thinking that I should break up with him. you see I am beginning to feel like just another girl on his date list. It's hard for me to just keep going. And now I have to deal with going shopping and seeing all these cute couples walking together and looking in shops for gifts and roses, and cards, and things to give to the other. I went to the mall (Carlingwood) today and I sat in the right hallway passed the doors where they have some bar seats and tables in the middle of the hallway. I sat there on the bar stood closest to the Kernals (Popcorn shop) and I wrote in my latest novel/personal experience book that I keep on hand. I wrote about heart break, about hate, and love and how the two of them could be so close to each other. And just as I had finished my last sentence and closed my book the song I hate everything about you came on the radio in the Kernals, and guess what my friends. I cried. The is all so crushing. Depressing. Disheartening. Now, if you will allow me a moment to rant I wish to tell you all about the gift I have been dreaming about. Its a peuter rose from the store Engrave Things. It has a breautiful long silver colored stem and a single curled leaf to the right side, and hanging just below the leaf is a small silver leaf where you can engrave something nice. then at the front of the hallway I had been sitting/crying in there is a small shop where a lady is selling roses of all kinds, and she also is selling these cute little boxes with rose pettles in it so that you can like sprinkle them over a table or something. What would be so sweet is if ayeyen got something like to my sweetie or ayeyen (but his real name) + vex_angel (but my real name) = . engraved on the rose, and he bought a rose box and placed the peuter rose in the box with the pettle ad gave it to me like that. *sniff* here I am talking about what he should get me and I havent even gotten him something. I know! Ill get him a single rose and buy black ink and make it into a black rose my sitting it in black dye/ink water over night. I think he would like that. He's told me before that black roses are his fav. I think that's what Ill do. now lets see if he gets the hint and looks at my livejournal. Well Ill update sometime tomorrow, but untill then happy Valen . . . No wait. Happy Unvalentines day my friends and hope you dont get depressed. (even though that seems to be the point of Valentines day)

So yeah, in my skewl we just switched terms, and guess wheat? I HATE MY NEW TEACHERS MORE THEN THE LAST!? Can you believe that, just when I thought everything would get better things seems to get worse. And to top it all off things with my boyfriend are kind of going down hill (don't tell him I said that.) He thinks, *from what I can tell* that we're doing great. Maybe a little sparse on the visits, but other then that anyone would say we're in the best of relationships. But that's not how I see this one . . .(Feels awful for saying that) Just recently I've come to the conclusion that maybe a breakup is in order? What do you guys think? Gah! This is rediculous! *sigh* I wan't to badly to talk to him about this but I don't know how! I mean gah how in hell is a person supposed to bring that up in a regular conversation "Oh gee, about us ayeyen, we should break up. What do you think?" GAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAHGAH! Can you tell this is bothering me? I know I have to speak to him about this. I reffuse to just break up with no reason like my last boyfriend (okay there was a reason. I loved ayeyen and not my actualy boyfriend. Man I'm an awful person.) I have some actually reasoning for the break up thoughts thought. I mean, first of all recently he has been acting different, different from the ayeyen I fell in love with. He's been snapping at me, he won't say I love you at the end of our phone calls (he says it's because of his parents but he could find time to say it weather or not their home.) He's been fobbing me off when it comes down to ahnging out, his computer parts seem more important to him then me, and I feel like he's being two faced! *sigh* Yelling and screaming isn't going to solve this problem. I have to talk to him. I'd like some comment's on this one my friends, and god if ayeyen reads this I just know he'll break up with me so I'm going to have to pull him out of my friends list for a while and make this friends only. Good idea. Maybe, maybe not.

Hello All, I'm back. That's right I have returned to the world of blogging and such after wards! But I'm tired. One thing that I've noticed over the past few days was that I seem to be changing my sleeping patterns. I stay up till like 3:00 am and then wake up around 8:15 am. This is hard on me because I have to get my father to drive me to school before 9:00, but we never make it because I'm so amazingly slow. Plus me and my dad seem to be at loose end right now. Almost like two cannons facing each other. No matter who starts it's both sides lose. I'm getting sick of me and my dad fighting, I mean you'd think a father and daughter would be hapy together, and be a good part of the family, but ever since the time around my 9 birthday my father has changed. He used to be such a sweet caring person, and now. *sigh* Now I see my father as an alcoholic, work-aholic and a controlling self centered PRICK! Can you tell Im a bit peeved off? Yeah, just a little. Well thats all for today I might update later IF (and that's a IF with like twenty under lines)I go over to ayeyens place. Thanks for listening freinds, and I hope to update sooner rather then later. But I seem to be losing places where I have a properly working computer at my disposal. . .

This week has been great even though I missed my actual anniversary with ayeyen and haven't seen my boi for a few days. He's out skiiing with his family and I hevent gotten to call him for a bit. I guess im just giving a small check up and I will update more fully in either a few hours or tomorrow. Bye all.

Hey all, guess what? I have quite the spill today. Just recently I was hanging out at ayeyens place and he pulled up a file on his computer to find a freinds number, and guess whose number I saw? His second last ex-girlfriends. You'd have thought he'd have deleted it by now right? Well that is my latest worry for you all. Maybe ayeyen will read this and send my a comment with a few answers, but until then I can only worry myself to fucking death. My latest good thingy is my X-mas gifts, sure not as reeling as my latest worry, but hey I got a new Sony CD layer, a 35$ gift card that I've already used, 200$ from my grandparents for a pokcet PC (if anyone in the ottawa has one that is willing to sell for something around 100$ send me a comment and give me a number, I'll get a hold of you), and I got a few new games. I have to saw that this christmas was quite the good time. I hung out with ayeyen and had a realy really good time doing...um...stuff, and I went to see all my cousins from Australia. Kewl huh? Well thats all I have for now, so send me a comment guys, and I'll update sometimes tomorrow. BYe-Bye.

What a day to be alive, wait, what did I just say? Wow I must be happy, and you guys can blame it all on ayeyen cause he's the one making me dame well happy! Well I just wanted top keep up on my updates and give a small shout out to pyro dark angel for adding to his friend. you are teh best!

Look at me guys, writing another update. I've done this like three times in a row this is great. I don't even have much to say today, I'm just gonna look up a new poem for ayeyen, and try my hand at atacthing a picture:
Love is forever, and watching the sunrise has never been more beautiful. Forever couldn't never been long enough for you and me, but thats how long we have and more.

I have come to find that I have to fave words (Curses) and (Indeed). Everytime someone says them I laugh so hard. Oh God, when ayeyen says them I pass out from laughter! Not much happened today, well, so far. Yesterday was fun though. Me and ayeyen spent some sweet quality time together at the bus station, and he said (Em) with his retainer in. He sounds so adorable when he does that! But he hates his retainer, so I'm trying to not ask him to do that ass often as I have so far.
I just pulled up a beautiful poem/though blog that describes how I feel for Ian:
Words can't express the love I feel for you. I love you more with each day, and every breath I take. I wish I could hold you in my arms and never let you go. You make me feel so safe and secure. Its so nice to have someone to lay next to at night. I could watch you sleep for hours. It feels so nice to have someone there to take care of me. Nothing compares to what it feels like to be loved by you.You make me feel important, and wanted. You make me so happy. I don't ever want to go through the pain of loosing you. I want you to be with me for the rest of my life. I want to spend forever with you .
Oh I hope he reads this journal! I know that neither of us could ever know just how much we love each other, but we can try to understand and know that we love the other with more and more passion each day.well this is all for now, I have to finish some work. So I'll update later today or tomorrow.

Hey all, today has been amazing. I left school to hang out with my boyfriend at his school during lunch. I got to find out who is in his computer class, and found out that like him everyone else in that class is kinda nerdy, and has braces. But hip hip horay, my boyfriend got his take off a few weeks ago. And as and added bonues he has the cutest lisp when he whars his retainer. He hates it when I say that, but he does. I know I'm not suppossed to be on the computer right now, well on live journal at least, but I am. Now I have to go, see ya all later.

thats right. Lunch rolled around and I figured I might as well update a little better then my last entry. Just recent quite a bit has happened, I've made new friends, and moved in leaps and bounds with my boyfriend. I'm such a naughty little sirguy student. In the library we're not aloud instant messanger, so what do I do. I pull it up off the internet and give it to the computer. A teacher caught me just before I coulf login though. (Its still at the bottom of the screen though, lol). I think I'm going to take another crack at it tomorrow but right now I have mrs, MaCallester standing behind me." Hi miss." "Don't you have work to do." *walks away*" Yes miss." *sticks her tongue out at the teachers back*" I saw that."" Oops. Ha." Oh well, at least she left. I wonder what ayeyen is doing right now. Well back to whats happened latlely. I finished another anime picture of my Cat clan characters, and I've typed up a description on Pangea (their home world), uh, my grades dropped a little and now im failing three classes instead of just one (which was art, even though I rock at art, this year I just so happened to get the suckest teacher for art, Ms Roy) Oh well, my loss. In january I have decided to move school so that I'm going to Woodroff. Its like a two minute walk from my house, and ayeyen goes there so we'll get to see so much more of each other. I can understand if the classes get abit harder, sir guy is just a trade school after all, but I think the transition will do me good. Well Lunch just ended so I got to go. see ya all later. bye.

Im sry to all of those who have missed me over the passed month or so but with Christmas biting at my heels I've had far too much to do. Gifts, and cards, and yes carols. Thats right my friends my parents have forced me to start learning carols. I've memorized let it snow, but I do believe I will blow my head off if they try to make me learn tiz the season. I can't say that nothing has happened between me and ayeyen, but I can't say lots has happened. I can say this; I've never loved someone so much, and my mental blogs seem to get much more detailed after I speak to him. He's funny, ya know, but not immature. Just an all out great guy. *congrates on me, dec 25 is our three month anniversary! YAY!* he says he'll get me a gift but a single kiss would be gift enough. Well, right now im at school so I kinda have to go, but I will update sometime this weekend because I might be staying over at Justina's again. She's the friend with the good computer ya know.Well, thanx once more for listening, and hope to get your tiny blogs soon.

I'm over at ayeyen's place, once again. And everything is going cool. Except ayeyen's constant nagging. Oh well, I love him for that too. He may be all little too hard on himself sometimes, but that doesn'ty matter cause its allwrong anyways. I haven't posted lately so here I am once more, in wonder. I geuss my latest question would have to be "Why are all the hot, and fun to hang out with guys so down about their lives? *Meaning ayeyen*" If any one, OTHER THEN AYEYEN could come up with an answer I will love you to death. Andom funny shit is good too. Aw lookw hat I've done, ayeyen is said again, and it's my fault. Dang! I love him so much, and I just wish we could be the perfect couple, but we're not. We are so different sometimes, and I'm starting to think that we may not be made for each other. I wish I could find a solution for that, but you know, if it comes down to it then I geuss he'll just have to deal with me loving him for everything he is and ever will be. That's all for now, so I'll post again later. Bye you guys.

That's right my friends I've come back from...uh...vacation! Yeah, that's it vacation. As much as I would love to explain to yall bout we I've been, I'm not allowed. I'll give you a hint, I'm under that age of 19 so I'm not allowed to go to jail yet, what's the closest thing to jail for kids? But not a holding cell...not really. Yeah! N-E ways, I've missed you guys, and I have yet to get a hold of my boy ayeyen, so I'm a little worried folks. That's right, you know it's back to normal when vex_angel starts to worry all over again. I've been gone for like 4-5 days, do you guys think he's worried about me? Yeah, right...*chibi pout* Oh well, he doesn't have to worry about me, I'm good as knew, I even got the chance to pump some iron while I was away. Lift weights, you guys know what I mean. As if I wasn't strong enough before...Well, this is it for now, I'll update tomorrow and tell you how it goes between me and my boy. When I get a hold of him that is. Bye Yall

Not much hapened today, i ended up leaving school three classes early to hand out with some friends from another school. My parents a peeved, and my moms hasn't stopped saying "You're destroying your future one day at a time" ever since I came back from the bus station. Well there is something worth mentioning, me and ayeyen hung out at the bus station for a little while and I met a new friend who is obsesed with yu-gi-oh! I've playing in several turnaments and this year i placed secend national champion for ottawa. Kewl huh?! Well that is all for tonight, look for me tomorrow at lunch. See ya on the other side my friends

he has returned my friends! My boy has come back to me! I'm so happy, but a little sad at the same time...
ayeyen and kim saw the corpse bride when he had promised he would see it with me. He told me when he returned that it hadn't been as good as he thought, but i think he's only saying that to make me feel btter. It didn't work. Oh well, my boy's back and that makes me happy. Well this might be my last update for today, check ya later, bye bye!